Seasons of Friendship

Here I am, sitting again at yet another kids practice. Unfortunately, missing another mommy night out with a group of my friends.

Does this sound like you and your life?

Do you often miss out on outings, feel like you have a deeper friendship with your steering wheel then actual people?

I’ve been through this stage so many years. My oldest is now a first year in college and yet I still have a 13 year old and 9 year old at home. Both very active in extra curricular activities.

Seasons of friendships is a thing

Years ago I was trying really hard to find time with friends who had the time in their lives to get together and I couldn’t. They didn’t have kids or their kids were too young to be active. It was so stressful trying to get together that eventually I just decided it wasn’t worth it.

I have realized that during our adult life we have seasons of friendships. Our friends are not always in the same place as we are in life. I started having kids earlier in life, most of my friends were later. When I was hanging out at school activities they were hanging out at the bar.

Because of this I ended up making new friends. For years my friends were the ladies on the soccer field, we traveled together, had dinner and drinks together and hung out at the fields during and between games. These ladies became my support and rock. Ladies I would never of met if it weren’t for my kids activities.

But during my time when soccer moms was my group, I didn’t forget about my other friends. I still texted, got together on birthdays and major events like always, and knew that if I needed them I could call on them.

Our Seasons Change

Last school year was my daughter’s senior year. Not only was I stressed about all the changes in life that was happening, and going to happen but I found myself was stressing over friendships.

I had friends who were “too busy” to text back, or get together for drinks.

I had friends who didn’t understand the emotions I was going through and pushed themselves away for a bit.

But then I also had new friends who were going through the same thing I was, resulting in a closer friendship.

It took me awhile to realize my season in life was different, resulting in my friends being different at that time. I had to remember what it was like to be so busy and wrapped up in my kids activities. There is nothing wrong with seasons of friends. Our seasons of lives, mom life, brings new friends with it. We meet moms at school who we connect with, we meet moms on the fields and activities that we love being around. Our seasons of life may change who we are but also changes our friends and that’s OK.

Quantity and Quality don’t matter

Remember in high school when we could only wish to be the popular girl. The one who knew everyone, always had the large crowds around them. Back then we thought, WOW I want to be like her!

Little did we realize most of the time they weren’t the nicest and in all honesty their “crowd” probably wasn’t truly friends. As we grew up we realized the importance of being kind and having true friends.

As mom’s it’s hard to find a true friend. One that gets us. Someone we can be our true self around.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What you too? I thought I was the only one.’
– C.S. Lewis

Many of us have too many acquaintances to count, but how many of them can we honestly call our friends. This post isn’t about the quantity of our tribe. And in all honesty it isn’t about the quality of them either.

This is more about not feeling guilty when you can’t get together with your friend for the next 5 months. It’s about letting yourself feel okay because it takes you 3 days to respond to a text.

My number of friends really in actuality has not ever changed. I have my friends I will always call my friends. It’s just that my point in life I may be closer to different ones.

Don’t feel guilty about seasons of friends

We as women and moms, need to and want to always surround ourselves with people who get us. There’s a reason we became friends with other ladies, they get us. They encourage us and root for us in life. They will always be our friends, every season we go through.

So don’t ever feel guilty. You aren’t cutting them out of your life, you are simply choosing what fits in your life during your current season. Like Spring changes to Summer, our lives too will change seasons. And just like we have our favorite graphic tee that we wear all year long, sometimes by itself or with a sweater. Our favorite friends will be with us all year, sometimes one on one and sometimes in the background via text messages and prayers.

Love the ones you have for who they are

I love each and every one of my friends. Each one brings so much to my life. I’ve had my best friend by my side for 35+ years. Those years have brought times when we were connected by the hip; and other years where we don’t have time to talk for months. But she will always be my best friend.

I have another dear friend who is in the same season in life as I am. We have gone from acquaintance to the dearest of friends throughout life. She is my rock, the one who doesn’t judge me for laying on the couch all day because I miss my oldest daughter. The one who is just as busy and because of that text messaging is our best form of communication. She’s the one who understands time with family is more important and a Face Time from our college kids can put a smile on our face in seconds!

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
-Marcel Proust

I have another friend who is in a season in life I am not. She’s busier then I could ever imagine. We don’t see each other for months, and she lives 2 minutes from my house. Text messages go unanswered for days and coffee dates have dropped off. It’s OK! I know she still loves me and she knows I love her! Her season will change soon and our friendship will get the time back.

Friends bring joy, not stress

I want to leave you with this, surround yourself with people who love you. Don’t get upset with yourself or your friends for unanswered texts, cancelled coffee dates and unattended mommy night outs. Enjoy those who are in the same season in life as you are. Take advantage of those moments of connection and understanding. Life is too short to worry about the time spent or time not spent with friends. Enjoy your life, and those who can be in it at the time.

As we move through life we change, our friends change and life changes. There is nothing wrong with change! Just like seasons each year, look forward to the next. Your life is the same, look forward to your next season of life and friends. Remember, friends bring joy, not stress!